I used to believe forgiveness was something you gave to someone else. A release. A letting go. A way to move on.

But what happens when you're ready to forgive—and your body isn't?

What if every time you try to let go, your stomach knots, your throat tightens, or your heart races? What if your body is still bracing for impact, even when your mind is telling you it's over?

Here’s what I’ve learned: forgiveness doesn’t start in your head. It starts in your nervous system.

And if your body doesn’t feel safe… forgiveness will feel impossible.

Why Regulating Your Nervous System Matters

Your nervous system is the bridge between your story and your healing.

It determines whether you experience life through the lens of safety or survival. Whether you feel calm or reactive. Whether you can access empathy—or only defense.

When we endure trauma, our nervous system does exactly what it was designed to do: protect us. It pulls us into fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. And if the trauma is ongoing—especially in childhood—your body may begin to live in that survival state as your new normal.

That means even when you're no longer in danger, your system is still wired as if you are.

• Constantly anxious or overwhelmed
• Unable to relax around others
• Feeling emotionally numb or detached
• Over-functioning or people-pleasing to avoid conflict
• Reactive to minor stressors or emotionally shut down

And here’s the key truth: until you teach your body that it is safe, your mind cannot fully engage in healing.

Your healing doesn’t begin when you try to fix the pain. It begins when you finally feel safe enough to face it.

Tools to Support Nervous System Regulation

If you’ve been living in survival mode, regulation isn’t a one-time event. It’s a daily practice—one that slowly builds trust between your body and your brain.

Here are three foundational tools to begin cultivating that sense of internal safety:

1. Bilateral Stimulation (EMDR Music, Tapping, or Walking)

Bilateral stimulation is a tool drawn from EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), a therapy designed to help the brain reprocess trauma. It works by engaging both sides of the brain, helping to calm the emotional centers and allow for new, adaptive processing of difficult memories.

Simple ways to use this:

EMDR music: Use headphones and listen to tracks that alternate between the left and right ear. These are widely available on YouTube or Spotify.

Butterfly tapping: Cross your arms over your chest and tap each shoulder in an alternating rhythm—left, right, left, right—while breathing slowly.

Walking: Pay attention to your steps, noticing the left-right pattern, syncing it with your breath.

This creates a calming rhythm that quiets the alarm system in the brain and allows the body to stay grounded in the present.

2. Vagal Breathing (Activating the Parasympathetic Nervous System) 

The vagus nerve is the body’s “calm and connect” channel. When it’s activated, your system shifts from stress to regulation.

• Inhale slowly for 4 counts
• Hold for 4 counts
• Exhale slowly for 6–8 counts
• Repeat for several rounds, until you feel a sense of softening or grounding

This tells your brain: You are safe now. Over time, it retrains your nervous system to return to safety more easily after being triggered.

Try this when you wake up, before bed, or anytime you feel emotionally overwhelmed.

3. Somatic Awareness & Gentle Witnessing

Trauma lives in the body. And healing begins when we are willing to listen to its messages—not with judgment, but with compassion.

• Where do I feel this emotion in my body?
• What sensation is present (tightness, pressure, heat, cold)?
• Can I stay with it for just one breath, without needing to fix it?

This process builds interoception, your ability to sense and respond to internal states. Over time, this helps dissolve the fear of feeling itself—one of the biggest blocks to forgiveness and healing.

When You’re Ready: Using Narrative Therapy to Reclaim Your Story

Once your nervous system feels more stable—once you’ve practiced staying present with discomfort—you can begin the deeper work of re-authoring your story.

That’s where narrative therapy comes in.

Narrative therapy helps you step out of the role of victim and into the role of author. Instead of staying trapped in the pain, you become curious about the patterns, meanings, and messages you’ve internalized—and you start to change them.

This is not about bypassing pain or denying the truth.
 It’s about giving your pain a voice so it doesn’t control you anymore.

A Gentle Framework to Begin:

1. Tell the Story from a Safe Distance

Imagine you're a compassionate observer. Describe what happened without judgment.
Instead of saying, “I was stupid to trust them,” say, “I was looking for love and did the best I could.”

2. Name the Belief That Took Root

Ask yourself: What did I come to believe about myself because of this experience?
These might sound like:

• “I’m not worthy.”
• “I’m always too much.”
• “I should have known better.”

This is where trauma hides—in the meanings we make.

3. Speak to the Younger You with Compassion

Imagine the child or past version of yourself going through that moment. What do they need to hear?

Try this:

“You didn’t deserve that. I’m sorry you went through it alone. But I’m here now. And I’m listening.”

4. Reframe the Story with Power and Purpose

From this grounded place, you can ask:
What truth do I want to walk in now? What belief will I choose instead?
Let yourself write a new chapter.
Let your voice be louder than your wound.

Why Sharing Your Story Deepens Healing

There’s a moment in the healing journey when your story stops being something that happened to you—and becomes something you can offer to others.

When you speak your truth from a place of clarity and purpose, something shifts.

You stop hiding.
You stop carrying shame.
You begin to reclaim your voice—and with it, your power.

Sharing your story is a sacred act. It allows you to integrate your pain into your purpose. It turns wounds into wisdom.

That’s why I’m so thankful for every guest who comes on the It’s Your Story to Tell podcast. Each one brings their story with courage and vulnerability—not because it’s easy, but because they know how powerful it can be when someone hears, “Me too.”

These stories aren’t just testimonies—they’re roadmaps. Proof that healing is possible, even when the journey has been long and painful. That redemption is real. That we don’t have to stay stuck in survival when we were created for freedom.

Andy Campbell is one of those voices.

In our powerful two-part conversation, Andy and I explored what it means to finally feel safe after years of disconnection—and how that safety became the foundation for him to face his past, rewrite the story he was living in, and ultimately walk in true freedom and forgiveness.

🎙 Podcast Feature: A Two-Part Conversation with Andy Campbell

Part 1: The Cost of Staying Silent and the Courage to Heal

Andy shares openly about:

• How unspoken wounds from childhood shaped his sense of safety and self
• The pain of being disconnected from his truth
• What it means to reclaim agency after long-term silence

“Healing isn’t about reliving your past—it’s about learning how to carry it with wisdom.”
 — Andy Campbell

🎧 Listen to Part 1

Part 2: Mindset, Intuition, and the Stories We Tell Ourselves

This conversation goes even deeper into:

• How core beliefs shape our sense of identity
• The power of taking full responsibility (without shame)
• How intuitive nudges often lead us toward healing—if we’re willing to listen

“You are not defined by what happened to you. You are defined by how you rise from it.”
 — Andy Campbell

🎧 Listen to Part 2

Final Thoughts: You Are Not Behind—You Are Becoming

Forgiveness is not a one-time choice.
 It’s a capacity you build.
 And it begins—not in your head—but in your body.

When you learn to regulate your nervous system…
When you meet your story with curiosity…
When you speak from your scars instead of your wounds…

You become a living invitation for others to do the same.

You stop just surviving.
You start becoming.

If you’re ready to tell your story, I’d love to hear it.
Because your story—yes, even the hard parts—could be the very lifeline someone else is waiting for. 

About Our Coach Megan Babcock

Click here to view Coach Megan Babcock Profile

Megan Babcock is a certified Mental Health & Trauma Transformation Coach with 23 years in healthcare and passion for equipping others to be a healing presence in the world. As the founder of It's Your Story To Tell and recipient of Oregon's Best Transformation Coach 2025, Megan blends clinical insight with compassionate care to help leaders, caregivers and advocates support others through trauma and crisis.

She believes healing begins with presence and that people feel seen, safe and supported, they can begin to transform pain into purpose. Megan is committed to helping others reclaim their story, find their voice and become a light in the darkness for those they serve.

P.S. Megan is available for speaking at events geared at transformation. If interested, respond to this email to discuss how she can support your event, organization or ministry.