Some women don’t just survive one hard relationship.
They survive a pattern.

A pattern of over-giving.
A pattern of walking on eggshells.
A pattern of trying harder, loving deeper, staying longer

Until one day they look in the mirror and barely recognize the woman staring back.

If that's you, you are not weak.

You are not foolish.
You are not beyond hope.

You are likely carrying survival strategies that once protected you but are now keeping you stuck.

And healing doesn’t begin with shame.
It begins with understanding.

The Pattern Beneath the Relationship

Most unhealthy relationship cycles don’t start in adulthood. They begin much earlier often in childhood when we first learned what love looked like, how conflict was handled, and what we had to do to feel safe or valued.

For many women, love became tied to:

Being needed, 

Keeping the peace,

Earning Approval,

Fixing what was broken.

Over time, those survival strategies can turn into:

People-pleasing,

Overachievement,

Codependency,

Ignoring red flags,

Staying past the point of safety.

These patterns are not personality flaws. They are adaptations. 

But what protects us in one season can imprison us in another.

When Survival Becomes Identity

One of the hardest parts of breaking a relationship cycle is realizing how much of your identity formed around surviving.

You may have become:

The strong one,

The responsible one,

The spiritual one,

The helper,

The fixer.

On the outside, it looks admirable. On the inside, it is exhausting.

You may not even realize how much of your life is driven by fear of being abandoned, rejected, or “not enough.” So you try harder. Do more. Stay longer. Pray more desperately. Hope more fiercely.

Until your soul feels tired. Not because you don’t love deeply but because you’ve been loving without being rooted in your own worth.

The Turning Point: From Victim to Healing

There is an important difference between being a victim of harm and living in a victim mindset.

Many women have been deeply wronged. Abuse, betrayal, addiction, emotional neglect these things are real and devastating. Acknowledging harm is part of healing.

But staying in the belief that you are powerless keeps you stuck in the very cycle you long to escape.

Healing begins when you gently ask:

What part of me keeps accepting less than I deserve?

What belief about myself makes this feel familiar?

Where did I learn that love requires suffering?

These are not questions of blame. They are questions of freedom.

Because while you cannot change what happened to you, you can change what happens next.

Why Healing Has Layers

Early healing is about safety and stabilization. It’s about getting out of crisis, building support, and learning basic boundaries.

But deeper healing goes further. 

It asks you to look at the roots beneath the patterns.

It invites you to notice your triggers instead of running from them.

It teaches you to pause when your body feels activated and ask,

What is this really about?

Triggers are not signs you are failing.

They are invitations to healing.

When you feel that familiar anxiety, that urge to fix, that fear of being too much or not enough it’s an opportunity to slow down, breathe, and invite God into the moment.

Instead of reacting automatically, you begin to move from reaction to revelation.

And in that space, something powerful happens:

You start to see yourself the way God does.

Relearning Your Worth

Many women know Scripture in their heads but have never felt God’s love in their hearts.

When your history includes rejection, neglect, or harm, it can be difficult to truly believe you are deeply valued, cherished, and seen.

But healing requires more than behavior change. It requires identity restoration.

You are not valuable because you hold everything together.
You are not worthy because you endure pain quietly.
You are not loved because you sacrifice yourself endlessly.

You are valuable because you are His. 
You are worthy because He says so.
You are loved before you do a single thing right.

When that truth begins to settle into your heart, your standards change. Your boundaries strengthen. Your tolerance for mistreatment decreases. And your relationships begin to shift not because you are trying harder, but because you finally know who you are.

From Surviving to Living

Breaking relationship cycles is not about becoming hardened or closed off. It is about becoming whole.

It is learning to love without abandoning yourself.
To forgive without tolerating harm.
To give without depleting your soul.

It is choosing relationships where peace is normal, not chaos.
Where respect is mutual.
Where love does not require you to disappear.

Healing is not instant. It is a process. But every step toward truth, every moment of courage, every time you choose honesty over pretending you are rewriting your story.

And you are not doing it alone.

Want to Go Deeper? Listen to the Conversation

If this resonated with you, we share more about these themes in a two-part podcast conversation.

Part 1 : Julie Bonn Blank and Megan talk about why so many women end up in repeated unhealthy relationship patterns, how trauma shapes identity, and the difference between surviving and truly healing.

Listen here: The truth behind being the "Strong One"

Part 1 : We go deeper into emotional triggers, faith-based healing, learning your worth, and what it looks like to move from surface recovery into lasting transformation.

Listen here: Healing through God's Grace

Your story is not over.
Your patterns can change.
Your healing can begin today.

P.S. Julie is also the author of a multiple-award-winning suspense fiction series centered on healing from human trafficking that has sold thousands of copies, “Routed to Heaven: How Near-Death Experiences, Afterlife Testimonies And Heavenly Insights Can Help You Live With Intention” released in 2025 and includes an account of her Heaven visit, as well as over twenty other testimonies. 

Link: https://amzn.to/4r9u2Se

When she is not writing, speaking, running her new nonprofit or overseeing recovery groups, she provides coaching and mentoring to authors and writers, while also overseeing Cascade Christian Writers.

Learn more about Julie at https://juliebonnblank.com

Download three free books and see her interview with Randy Kay at: https://linktree.com/juliebonnblank

Short Book description:

What happens when Heaven doesn’t just reveal itself but sends you back with a mission?

In Routed to Heaven, Julie Bonn Blank shares her own near-death experience, a breathtaking encounter with Jesus, and the message that changed her life: “There is still so much work to be done.” Alongside her story are more than twenty powerful testimonies from people who briefly crossed into eternity and returned forever changed.

Blending these accounts with honest, compassionate reflections, Julie addresses real-life struggles such as fear, grief, trauma, and spiritual warfare, helping readers live with eternal focus. At the heart of the book is the Heaven-Minded Mission Manifesto a practical framework that invites readers to move from survival to bold, Spirit-led purpose.

With Pause & Ponder sections and a companion study guide (coming soon) for individuals or groups, Routed to Heaven is an invitation to hope, healing, and a life aligned with Heaven’s call.