00:00:00:00 - 00:00:41:19
Unknown
This episode contains stories of trauma related to domestic abuse. If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis. Help is available. Call or text 988 or chat 988. Lifeline Talk. Welcome to Is Your story to Tell. I am so excited to be talking today with Jenna Wilson and it was so fun to get contacted by her publicist who asked me if I wanted to read her book, which is.
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Unknown
Is it out now, Jamie? It came out this month that it comes out July 12th, July 12th. So why little wine you buy? It is an amazing book. And I'm so happy to be here with Jenna, where we're going to talk about emotional healing and so many other amazing things about her journey. A little bit about Jenna. Obviously, she's an author, but she is also an emotional healing educator.
00:01:10:26 - 00:01:47:22
Unknown
She is a meditation teacher, retreat leader, a public speaker, a hypnotherapist, and the founder of Emotional Healing Systems have been doing this for 20 years. Is that right? Jenna Yeah, close enough for now, though. Thank you so much for joining me, giving me the opportunity to read your book prior to it being available. All I have to say, like I went through it, I'm like highlighting it and so that would be a great thing.
00:01:47:24 - 00:02:15:02
Unknown
What I love about it is not only does it have practical questions to ask yourself, and it's just very easy to read and it definitely keeps your attention. So I highly recommend that to my audience to check it out. So thank you for joining me today, Jana, and sharing your story with the audience here. I need your story to tell.
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Unknown
Yeah, thank you for having me, Megan. You are so welcome. Well, let's just jump right in because, goodness, I think we could probably have a multi series podcast on the amount of content in your book. So as I was thinking about how are we going to cover all of this because it's so good. But if you will just start and give us a little bit of background on your stories or audience can know kind of where you're coming from, and then we'll go into how you went from that place to where you are today.
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Unknown
Yeah, so I grew up in adverse childhood experience, says there's a test that we give to clients. It's called the ACE Test Adverse Childhood experiences. There's ten questions. I score ten out of ten. So I had a lot of even, of course, developmental trauma, but pre cognitive and pre conscious trauma as well. Intergenerational trauma. So I was you know, it was a triple a triple whammy for me.
00:03:22:17 - 00:03:50:25
Unknown
So yeah I the story and whys little one I'm sharing of really how we're conditioned in our formative years. So for me it was an alcoholic father womanizer, a mother who was mentally ill and it didn't take me too long to start figuring out they didn't really have it figured out. And I lost respect for, you know, many of the adults around me.
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Unknown
And it led me on a spiritual journey because any time we're in adverse experiences, right, where we're challenged by something, there's a push to the light, right? If you're in the darkness, there's a push to the light as you walk in a dark room, you want to know, where's the light switch? And so for me, my childhood really woke me up at a young age.
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Unknown
And I begin the book with that in the Prolog, an experience I had that was probably the most profound experience. It was the defining moment that really set me in my calling and my Dharma. What I'm doing today, which was at 12 years old, I was pulled out of my body and during a domestic violence situation with my mom and dad and I was praying for help and the next thing I knew I was out of my body.
00:04:43:15 - 00:05:07:28
Unknown
I felt a very deep peace and a knowingness that everything was going to be okay. And I was told, those are not your parents, that's not your life. This is and I felt like I was one with the cosmos, like I was being nestled in this vast expanse of universe and everything was okay. And I remember thinking, you know, am I dead?
00:05:07:28 - 00:05:28:21
Unknown
Because if I am, I'm okay with it. It feels good. So I was going through a lot of suicide ideation up into that point, and I feel like Spirit pulling me out of my body really woke me up so that, you know, set me on this course. Of course, I was in high school and I was still doing the things kids do in high school.
00:05:28:21 - 00:06:07:23
Unknown
And and once I went off to college, but I woke up pretty early in my late teens where I was really, really serious about correcting the childhood I came from, which is why I call myself a cycle breaker now. Yeah, that's so powerful. What I think is so amazing about what you shared is that you just had this knowing from this early age you were in this really difficult place, and even though you knew you still had so much of your story, was still so hard.
00:06:07:25 - 00:06:37:19
Unknown
But do you feel like that having that knowing helped you as you continue to move through those years, that it was still traumatic? As I read through your book after that point and after that experience, yeah, I mean, I once a mind is expanded, it can't return to its original state. So my consciousness had been expanded by that experience and it was always there under the surface.
00:06:37:22 - 00:07:11:24
Unknown
So and in the way it would show up would just be this knowingness that everything was going to be okay. I had spent my entire childhood where, you know, things were really difficult and then they would be okay and there would be moments of happiness and contentment, and then it wouldn't be okay again. So I began at a young age to be able to discern that things were impermanent, things were temporary and not get too attached and too afraid, projecting into the future it was going to get worse.
00:07:11:24 - 00:07:36:28
Unknown
Or, you know, I was really able to stay in the present and accept what was happening, which is a huge piece even for an adult to get right. So the fact that I was getting that at a young age, because of the trauma, I was really clinging to my spiritual resource. And that resources that still small about voice the Bible talks about.
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Unknown
But it's it was my wise little one and it's that part of me, my emotional self, that my essence right that innocent core child that was always there with resiliency and strength, you know, urging me on like, you know, you've got this and yeah, in the book you talk about some different ways that you either had modeled for you to deal with these hard things, maybe the way your mom dealt with it.
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Unknown
And I also found it interesting, and probably because I identified in myself a little bit about this fixing things. And I remember this one story that you were sharing and there was abuse happening. Your dad was pretty violent and throwing things and breaking things and how you tended to go and start cleaning up, fixing things, trying to put things back into order that were disorder was how did you transition from that with that before this incident that I'm trying to remember in the book, was it before that that you had that kind of fix it personality?
00:08:56:15 - 00:09:27:21
Unknown
Was that something that continued on with you that you've had to work through? I know for me, like perfectionism and putting things into order have definitely been something that I've been challenged with to let go up because it doesn't really allow you to process what's going on. You're not being present and it makes it more difficult for me to move forward when when I'm engaging in that kind of unhealthy coping mechanism for me.
00:09:27:23 - 00:09:50:00
Unknown
Yeah. So as a child, you know, when things were broken or whatever, I mean, of course I wanted to create order out of the chaos and it was, you know, my mom was clinically depressed. So a lot of times she wasn't cleaning the house. I mean, even when there wasn't, you know, a knock down drag out and there wasn't, you know, things to pick up and things that were broken.
00:09:50:00 - 00:10:19:00
Unknown
I was always, you know, that's one of the ways we love ourselves. So I'm not talking about the extreme case of perfectionism or OCD, but organization is very important to the inner child. Children thrive in environments where there's it's organized, it's clean. You know, they they have consistency. And so I didn't have that. So I was even at such a young age attempting to create that for myself.
00:10:19:03 - 00:10:45:12
Unknown
And certainly I have done that now as an adult and, you know, you get in my car and it's clean, my home is clean, things are in order. Things are put in their place. My mom didn't have that ability to do that. So maybe, you know, often we we learn what not to do from the parent. Right. And so she was definitely showing me like, you know, what a disease of mine, a chaotic mine looks like.
00:10:45:15 - 00:11:24:10
Unknown
You know, when we keep things on the floor, hoarders, people like that, these are disorders. And mine certainly wasn't a disorder. It was just me wanting to create order out of the chaos. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's such a good way of kind of defining and then reframing. Maybe reframing it. Yeah. And being able to say, like, these are actually some really good qualities and strength and things that we need in our life.
00:11:24:12 - 00:11:59:20
Unknown
For me, I've had to find that balance and make sure that I'm staying in where it's actually healthy versus where it can get too far, where it's not about creating order, but it's about avoiding controlling or controlling your environment. Well, yeah, because you feel out of control. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So if you have a fixation. Yeah, if you have a fixation of that of perfectionism, then it's probably a controlling mechanism, um, where you're feeling out of control somewhere.
00:11:59:20 - 00:12:17:15
Unknown
So you're trying and I did that in my thirties, you know, I would, you know, people would come over and as soon as they set a glass down, I was cleaning up under it or I was trying to fix things, you know, But I was still, you know, not really in a healed place, right? I was still trying to figure out my own stuff at that time.
00:12:17:18 - 00:12:53:06
Unknown
But once I realized, you know, our outer world reflects our inner world. Our inner world reflects our outer world. So if I feel out of control and I'm trying to control something in an area, I have enough awareness to say, okay, where am I feeling out of control? Why am I fixating on something? Right? And so that's kind of, yeah, So you do want to reframe it because it is a positive unless you're avoiding something, as you're saying, and you're doing it to try to, you know, have some sense of control somewhere because you don't somewhere else.
00:12:53:08 - 00:13:21:28
Unknown
Exactly. Yeah. No, I love that because in my own life I've seen how I've been able to transition. And it is it's that awareness, understanding kind of the why behind we do things. And when we were talking before just preparing for the podcast, we're talking about our beliefs and how our beliefs are, what create the life that we live.
00:13:21:28 - 00:13:56:15
Unknown
And in your book, you talk about some of the beliefs that you had early on that were limiting. Would you share a little bit about the beliefs that you had that you had to work through, And how do you suggest people identify and then work through their own limiting beliefs? Yeah, So, you know, disempowering, limiting beliefs, false beliefs really are what they are because they're not true.
00:13:56:16 - 00:14:16:14
Unknown
You develop them early in developmental years, you know, birth to seven, you know, really benign events can happen that create this. And I liken it to an operating system on a computer. So if you know, when we were under the age of seven, we a lot of people don't even have much memory, especially if it was kind of boring.
00:14:16:14 - 00:14:51:00
Unknown
Not much was going on. You know, what happens is we create these beliefs that don't serve us and it becomes an operating system and we default to it and we attract people and situations and circumstances that keep validating that belief. Mine was I'm bad. There's variations of I'm, you know, I'm not good enough, I'm unlovable, I'm damaged. Even children who don't have really intense trauma.
00:14:51:04 - 00:15:19:23
Unknown
Right. Like on the adverse childhood experience, questions, neglect, sexual abuse, verbal abuse, physical abuse, things like that. They they have traumas. A parent who doesn't model good boundaries, who goes through their things, That's a trauma for a child, a parent who doesn't regulate their emotions. They rage, they scream, they snap. That's a trauma for a child. Parents to, you know, kind of the stage parent that live vicariously through the child.
00:15:19:23 - 00:15:47:04
Unknown
That's a trauma for a child. Parents who don't really see or hear the children because we have these sayings like, you know, children are to be seen and not heard. And so all of these different types of traumas, I don't even like to call them mini or major. You know, they're they're a trauma to the child. It's like their fingers broken and your arms broken, you know, and you can't compare because to each person, it's it's relative, right?
00:15:47:06 - 00:16:09:03
Unknown
So these core false beliefs get formed at a young age. I always remember one client I had. She came to me in her early forties and she was, you know, just kind of dissatisfied with life. She had this reoccurring complaint. So this is usually how you can identify what yours is because you'll hear yourself saying it like she would say, No one ever listens to me.
00:16:09:06 - 00:16:32:07
Unknown
That was her, you know, always saying it. Her husband would say, I do listen to you. I know you never hear me. So whatever we're saying is normally what we're doing to ourselves because it's in our awareness. So essentially what she was saying is, I don't listen to me. I don't hear me right. My feelings don't matter. And so that was her core false belief.
00:16:32:10 - 00:16:51:13
Unknown
When you really need the help of a hypnotherapist to get to that memory, because often people don't have the memory of what it was for her. She was five years old. She was on a vacation. They were all swimming in a lake. She had never been in a lake. She was afraid to go in it because she couldn't see the bottom.
00:16:51:16 - 00:17:13:00
Unknown
She was begging and pleading, Don't make me go in the lake. They made her go in the lake. And in that moment she decided her feelings don't matter because had they mattered, then her parents would have listened to her and let her get in the lake in her own time. Or maybe not at all. Like who cares? But so she decided my feelings don't matter.
00:17:13:00 - 00:17:39:12
Unknown
And then. And then it changes your worldview. So her worldview shifted at that point to to the world. Other people know better than me. So. So she was always giving herself away. She was a people pleaser. She was a doormat. But then she would get passive aggressive and resentful. So her relationships were really suffering. And it was all because she had this operating system, a major virus.
00:17:39:12 - 00:18:04:15
Unknown
She needed a big upgrade. And my feelings matter. My feelings matter. And once she began to it's really cognitive behavioral therapy change the thought, my feelings matter, my feelings matter. It begins to solidify because all a belief is is a practiced thought. And so she began to think this new thought. And then eventually her behavior began to change and she would speak up for herself.
00:18:04:15 - 00:18:29:21
Unknown
She would advocate for herself. She would say no. Sometimes she stopped being a doormat and the people pleaser, she stopped being a caretaker. So therefore, she wasn't attracting dysfunctional relationships, codependency, because she had changed her core false belief. So this is root cause therapy, not top down therapy, right? This is getting to the nitty gritty of why am I behaving and why am I unhappy in my life?
00:18:29:21 - 00:19:08:29
Unknown
And it's always comes back to these limiting beliefs. Yeah. Now I share a very I get a similar story, a different experience, and I was more in the age of seven that created this belief. Very similar to what you were just describing. And I continued to bring in this dysfunction. I was codependent people pleaser achiever, and I went to a lot of counseling and I was getting nowhere.
00:19:09:01 - 00:19:43:24
Unknown
And it wasn't until I had somebody who helped me understand exactly what you just were sharing, and I was able to go back to the memory and buy and where that became programed. And when I was then back in that memory, I was actually able to speak to my M.A. again and let her know, know you were upset and sad and that was valid.
00:19:43:24 - 00:20:18:23
Unknown
Like you watched a sad movie and you have such a stark heart. And the way they responded to you was was not appropriate. And when I was able to do that, it allowed me then to start going into a lot of other memories and seeing where this belief was playing a role, where I was able to give myself compassion because I had so much shame over how did I end up here in my life.
00:20:18:26 - 00:20:45:22
Unknown
And I was really disappointed in myself. But when I was able to realize that there was something outside of me that occurred, it helped me to also relief that shame and then be able to start reprograming that. And you know, you were saying repeating that over and over, and that is definitely something I had to find affirmation. For me it was scripture.
00:20:45:25 - 00:21:18:22
Unknown
I wear a flag. I have to be like things that are reminders about my worth and who I am. And but it took a lot of work to become conscious of that and then taking those thoughts captive and then speaking truth to them. And then as I was able to do that, my life began to change and shift and become so much more fulfilling.
00:21:18:22 - 00:22:01:02
Unknown
So the work that you do there is so amazing and so powerful. So if people are, you know, feeling like I've been trying so many different things, I would say, try this because this for me and I know a lot of people really unlocked freedom. MM Yeah, I mean everybody, it's not just some people because everybody's operating from beliefs and, and until you unpack what those beliefs are and if they're serving you or not, you know, a lot of people come to me and they're like, I didn't come here to change my beliefs and they might be talking about their religion or, you know, but really essentially, if though it always requires because life is
00:22:01:02 - 00:22:30:19
Unknown
going forward, we're evolving. We're hopefully progressing not there's no perfection, but we're progressing progress, not perfection. We want to be upgrading ourselves and upgrading ourselves. If your beliefs were working, then you would be happy, You would be content, you would be filled with faith, you'd be trusting, it would, it would reveal itself. And when it's not, it comes back to in there in our subconscious mind and we're not aware.
00:22:30:19 - 00:22:52:18
Unknown
So you usually need help. Like when I was in my twenties I would listen to we had Walkmans back then and I had a cassette and I had recorded my voice repeating, Like you said, I am worthy, I am a child of God, I am deserving, I am lovable, you know, just over and over and over. And I would go to sleep listening to that because I felt so worthless.
00:22:52:18 - 00:23:17:07
Unknown
I felt so insignificant. But the more I could attach to this idea that I was a child of God, that's where it all started. Then certainly if I'm a child of God and God lives and moves and breathes through me, then I am one with, you know, Spirit. Jesus said it. I am the Father one. The Kingdom of Heaven is within.
00:23:17:14 - 00:23:40:00
Unknown
So I began to see, see that I had everything I needed within me. It wasn't outside of me. So the real work was the internal work. But this is the problem because the world's always distracting us and getting our attention. And somebody has the answer. Somebody has. And it's it's a lie that the answers are all within us.
00:23:40:02 - 00:24:00:05
Unknown
I love that. And that is how when I coach and I think that was a big shift for me when I was working with this other person. After have gone to counselors where they were sitting there, I felt like they were the expert and they needed to tell me what do I do next, How do I do this?
00:24:00:08 - 00:24:34:19
Unknown
And it wasn't until I started being challenged like, you need to look inside you. You're the expert, you have God, you have spirit. Like, what is it saying? Because I do think we hear that still small voice. And then we start ignoring it and then it gets softer and you have to really then go back and turn your ears back on because you have silence, your own ability to hear that still small voice.
00:24:34:19 - 00:25:03:17
Unknown
And when I did that, it was so empowering. So I just love what you're saying because it transformed my life and like your life and all of that. Yeah, yeah. And Western medicine is not. I just finished working with a psychotherapist. I work with a lot of clinicians. My husband's a physician and we have retreats called Healing the Healer.
00:25:03:19 - 00:25:33:21
Unknown
They are not taught psychotherapists are not taught in the model that we have now to teach someone. Think about it. If they begin to teach you and how to help yourself, you're not going to come back. So where are they going to get their money? They can't bill insurance. They can't bill anybody. If they're getting you healthy. So we have a sick care system in every area, but definitely also in psychotherapy.
00:25:33:23 - 00:25:52:29
Unknown
You know, it's, again, top down therapy. You go, I'm not feeling good. I'm depressed. Take a pill. You know, they don't talk about, well, what could be the root cause of this? Then you go to psych psychotherapy. You've got maybe 15 minutes, an hour, you know, as soon as it goes off. Okay, Don, it doesn't matter if you're mid-sentence out the door.
00:25:52:29 - 00:26:18:16
Unknown
Next patient's coming in. There's not enough time. Just to do a hypnotherapy session is 2 hours. So, you know, to really dig deep with a with a client and help them unpack their history. You know, the the decisions they made about themselves, all those false beliefs and everything takes time. It takes slowing down the linear mind past, present, future.
00:26:18:18 - 00:26:48:25
Unknown
It takes getting in a really relaxed state. And, you know, it's just not set up that way. You know, unfortunately. Glad you said that because I you know, my background is a nurse. I worked in the hospitals. I worked in so many different aspects. I was very frustrated with the system because I got into being a nurse because I wanted to see people get healed and be healthy.
00:26:48:27 - 00:27:20:15
Unknown
And after 21 years I had to do something different because they're like this. We're not. We're just cycling people through broken people, broken, broken and give them a pill, get, you know, oh, sure, their blood pressure, but they never get to actually achieving health. And then we just have to up the medication and it making me so sad and so also angry like this is not what I want to be doing.
00:27:20:18 - 00:27:54:10
Unknown
And went into functional medicine and then coaching and all of this where it's looking at the whole person, mind, body, spirit, we are all of these in one and we can't really work on one without the other in your body. It takes time. It takes investment from a person who says they want to change, where a lot of times when we've gone into the doctor and we've had a pill and it's like, well, my blood pressure did go down, then you kind of like, Do I really need to do that hard work?
00:27:54:10 - 00:28:44:20
Unknown
Or can I just get something else? And so we've created a situation where hard work is not something people want to sign up for either. We want the quick fix in this world, and this work that you're talking about is not a quick fix thing. You have to be invested in yourself and really want to change. And and then when you do, there's all kinds of resources that can can bring you to a much more free place in a place where you are thriving and who were designed to be one of the reasons that or the reason why people aren't, you know, taking responsibility is because most people lack discipline.
00:28:44:22 - 00:29:08:16
Unknown
So we have a nation full of obese people, people who are, you know, loving themselves. Jesus said, you know, I leave you with two commandments. Love your neighbor as yourself. I've never been to a church where they taught me to love myself. So, you know, I'm definitely not one for organized religion. I am a spiritual being, having this human experience.
00:29:08:19 - 00:29:34:16
Unknown
To me, my relationship with Christ is a state of consciousness. It's not something that I do in the outer world to show people right? It's a path that I walk away and making spirit more real than the material world takes discipline. You know, I get up the first thing I do in the morning is meditate, which is really brainwashing, clearing my mind.
00:29:34:17 - 00:29:56:12
Unknown
It's spiritual hygiene. I wouldn't think of leaving my house without brushing my teeth, so why would I think of leaving my house without brushing my mind so I can see through this lens clearer, right, that when people hurting people hurt people, that when people are reactive, for me to hold presence and not be reactive, all of that takes free will.
00:29:56:12 - 00:30:26:05
Unknown
Most people are not operating with free will. Again, free will requires discipline because it requires you to be aware and have high emotional intelligence. So when I created the emotional and emotional healing system, I developed all four phases of the system based on the four phases of the skills of emotional intelligence, self-awareness, self-management and regulation, social awareness and relationship management.
00:30:26:07 - 00:30:54:12
Unknown
So once a person, you know, most people are ignorant to this because we're not taught this in this country and really anywhere around the world. IQ is valued, but IQ isn't. But really it's our emotions that drive our behavior. So developing high emotional intelligence, knowing how to manage emotion and knowing how to monitor yourself is paramount. It's the most important thing you can do.
00:30:54:15 - 00:31:17:03
Unknown
Research even shows that people who are emotionally intelligent, regardless of how much money they're making, they're happier, they're more at peace. And isn't that the endgame anyway? We know money doesn't make us happy. We're going for it because we want security or peace. But if you have security and peace and you don't have the amount of money you think you should have, what's the difference?
00:31:17:03 - 00:32:02:15
Unknown
Right? You, you you achieved what it is you want. Yeah. Oh, you are so, you know, one of the things and growing up for me, there was not space for emotions. And so when you don't have you don't practice you you don't have a space a container to learn it. I was talking to someone just the other day about effective communication and how that isn't even a taught skill and how we're missing out in our education of the next generation because it doesn't matter how smart you are.
00:32:02:15 - 00:32:36:02
Unknown
Like you're saying, if you can't have emotional intelligence, which is I think, also the ability to communicate with others in this way that's respectful and has boundaries. And all of these pieces that we're going to continue the path of severe mental illness, depression, anxiety, suicide, drug and alcohol use, because it's all an attempt to find that peace that you're talking about.
00:32:36:02 - 00:32:59:00
Unknown
And it doesn't come natural. At least it didn't for me. Yeah, it does. And it's you know, most people suffer and these teachings go back 6000 years. They preach it. It's what Buddhism was extracted from. It's called the dawn, to which it means non dualism advances, non dualism. But Vedanta is the Vedas from India. It's what yoga came from.
00:32:59:03 - 00:33:27:22
Unknown
And it says we suffer because we don't know the nature of true reality. The nature of true reality is that you are not separate from the creator, you are not a drop in the ocean of the ocean as God. You are the entire ocean and the draw. So when we identify with our own divinity, with our perfection, with the part of us that the Creator created, then we get really intentional about why are we here?
00:33:27:22 - 00:33:50:22
Unknown
We have a purpose, we have a unique gift. And if we have healthy parents that understand this, then they raise us in a way that we find intrinsic worth not related to how much money we have or how well we do in school, or how we look or how we you know, I raised my daughter this way. She's raising my grandson that way.
00:33:50:24 - 00:34:13:08
Unknown
So I broke a cycle because my daughter knows she's inherently worthy, regardless of what she does in the world or how she looks in the world. And this is how most people are conditioned as children. It's called externalizing, right? So we look out into the world. Our parents do, Oh, we got to look right. What will people think?
00:34:13:08 - 00:34:42:11
Unknown
Dress right, look right, do right, all get good grades, you know, because it reflects on us. So it all becomes this external persona which is egoic. It's operating from the ego. And in our parents defense, again, you know, the consciousness of humanity is not very expanded. So what I mean when I say that is we don't know what we don't know and we don't know a lot out of the known universe.
00:34:42:11 - 00:35:08:22
Unknown
We only know, they say about 4%. So 96% is dark matter. And dark energy means we have an even pure sense of it. So when people get on their soapbox of I know, I know, I know. I mean, humans are we're still evolving. And and really the leading the number one thing that we have learned as a human species in the 21st century is that we can expand our consciousness.
00:35:08:22 - 00:35:37:28
Unknown
And what is consciousness? It's everything you're aware of. If your consciousness is fearful and constricted and full of what will people think and always externalizing, then you're going to have a very chaotic mind stress response constantly, or your body's going to break down because it's not meant to be in stress like that all the time. And, you know, so you're going to attract situations and circumstances that constantly keep you externalizing, looking out.
00:35:38:01 - 00:35:56:23
Unknown
I always say when you wake up in the morning, what's the first thing you think of? I asked my students that and they'll say, Oh my to do list or Oh, what I've got. And and I have them retrain themselves to the first thing they do when they wake up in the morning is they go with them. Intimacy.
00:35:56:23 - 00:36:21:03
Unknown
Think about the word in to me I see so become an ultimate intimate with self. I can't take credit for that. That came from Wayne Dyer. I love that. Okay. Yeah. Intimacy. And to me, I see. So I look within immediately I connect to my creator, you know? Good morning, Father. Mother, God, Thank you for this day to live upon this earth.
00:36:21:05 - 00:36:45:11
Unknown
Thank you for giving me this opportunity to serve and help and share my gifts and talents. Good morning, little Jana. How did you sleep? I love you. You know, What would you like to wear today? What would you like to eat for breakfast? I began immediately connecting with Self Capital S with my essence. Right. Because I know the truth of reality.
00:36:45:11 - 00:37:12:23
Unknown
It all exists in here, not out there. That's not my source. My source is here. So as soon as we turn the lens of perception from the outer world back internal and feed ourselves everything we're wanting to get from the external world for so many years, I wanted my mom to say, I'm so proud of you. What I didn't realize now I wanted to tell myself I was proud of myself and I can control that.
00:37:12:26 - 00:37:36:03
Unknown
I can't control whether or not someone else tells me that. So once I started to give myself every words of affirmation and acts of service, quality, time, gifts, everything, all the love languages, to me, that's when little Jana and I just bonded and I just came back from a trip. I have to tell you, this is how it looks.
00:37:36:10 - 00:37:51:23
Unknown
So I go away. I tell my husband I'm going to go over to Arizona for a few days. I just need to spend some time with little Jana. I can feel that there's a disconnect. I've been working a lot. I need to reconnect back with myself. So I go on this trip and. And I'm just having such a fun time.
00:37:51:23 - 00:38:11:17
Unknown
You know? I get a massage, I go shopping, I go out to eat, and I come home that night, back to the hotel the first night, and I'm looking in the mirror and I and I just my vagus nerve fibers, which that warm, fuzzy feeling, you know, I just feel so much love. And I look in the mirror and I'm like, You're my best friend.
00:38:11:20 - 00:38:43:25
Unknown
Like, I love you. I like where you eat, I like where you shop. I like this hotel that you stayed at. Like everything you do. I just like being you. But that's that little girl inside. Yeah. Wow. So encouraging. And just the compassion that we can turn all of these things, like the affirmations that you said. I mean, I love that the five love languages, like turning them to yourself.
00:38:43:27 - 00:39:13:26
Unknown
And it reminds me, you know, we cannot give what we can't receive. And so I know I had so many years wanting to put out like the love and the connection, but it was never coming across in that way because it wasn't authentic, because it wasn't I hadn't been able to even give that to me. And so until I had it, I couldn't really give it.
00:39:13:26 - 00:39:42:27
Unknown
And I had not been taught self-care and back. It was like, That's kind of selfish, right? You talked about the church and it's all about like giving and what are you doing for others? And I believe in doing things for others and giving and, and caretaking and all of those things, but not when it at the expense of ourselves, because then it becomes harmful and you're not even doing it for the right reasons.
00:39:42:27 - 00:40:10:05
Unknown
You're not giving out of your excess, you're depleted. And really then you're not doing anything if you want to service, you know, and so maybe say something. So you were saying I was giving out, right? And you can't give what you can't give to yourself. Not that's not entirely true because often we do it because we think we're going to get something in return.
00:40:10:07 - 00:40:34:22
Unknown
So it looks like it's selfless, which I hate that word because I don't want to be less of me. Right. Like, and I'll tell you the distinction between selfish and self responsible. So that's where you make the shift. Often selfish people are the ones telling you you're selfish because you're not doing what they want you to do. Now it's the key word is consistent.
00:40:34:22 - 00:40:59:01
Unknown
If I consistently always put myself first, that's selfish. But if I tune in and listen to what's in my highest good and sometimes maybe I've committed to something and when I arrive there, it's not my highest good to do that. I need to listen to that. I will. I always put my feelings first because that's my responsibility. Responsible for me, not anyone else.
00:40:59:03 - 00:41:29:16
Unknown
But when you're giving to others to get right, it's a part of the wounded child. It's I want to get love, avoid pain and feel safe. So we're we think we're such care givers and we're so giving and generous, but we're really doing it with a hook. And then when we don't get what we need or someone does say, Oh, you're so amazing, you're so wonderful, but we can't receive it because we don't really care what people think often.
00:41:29:16 - 00:41:48:15
Unknown
I mean, for a long time I operated, Oh, I care what people think. Oh, I'm so like, what do they think of me? Oh, they're judging me all they're. But you really don't. Because think about when someone compliments you and you can't receive the compliment. There's a clear example. I don't care what they think, because if you did, you would receive it.
00:41:48:18 - 00:42:11:28
Unknown
It's because you would. You're not in agreement with. Thought about that, right? You're not in agreement with it. But if they judge you and maybe you judge yourself, then it hurts you and you think you care what they think. Really, it's still not them. It's you. You don't you know, you're you're judging yourself. So it's it always comes back to self.
00:42:11:28 - 00:42:37:19
Unknown
Yeah. Yeah. Right. So yeah. No, I think you're so articulate in saying what I was definitely trying to say there because it was like out of my giving was out of a need, not out of my abundance, not because I had given to myself and I felt good. And so I'm giving others from this pure place it was all about.
00:42:37:22 - 00:43:06:00
Unknown
And then you get disappointed, right, because you have this expectation or, you know, I wanted to hear something from that person and then they didn't do it. And then you're just crush or and so being able to learn how to care and love myself and not feel, I just would feel yucky about taking time for myself like I'm a mom.
00:43:06:06 - 00:43:31:06
Unknown
You can't take time for yourself. And when I learned like, oh my goodness, I'm such a better mom when I'm taking care of myself because I'm not projecting my will. You know, I did that for a really long time. If we listeners listen to podcast, too, it's my son. He's going to be 21 and we talk about how hurt people hurt people.
00:43:31:08 - 00:44:00:08
Unknown
And at that moment I didn't know better, so I couldn't do better. Right? You were just talking about that and how. But then as I learned and that's why it's so important that we do continually learn and grow, because then we have an opportunity to do something different. And, you know, it sounds like for your daughter you were able to offer her that from an early age because of where you had grown.
00:44:00:10 - 00:44:38:11
Unknown
For me, it wasn't until he was in out of high school almost zero, and that we were able to go back and repair our relationship. And he was also able to take his own personal responsibility because you get to that age of accountability where, you know, even though people have harmed you, you have a choice. And when he recognized like, I'm not going to continue on this wounding either, it's been amazing to see how it's never too late to be able to repair these things.
00:44:38:11 - 00:45:03:18
Unknown
When you're willing and you're disciplined and you do work. And that was one of the things that he talked about is the discipline. And I always thought I'm such a disciplined person because I was an achiever. But that wasn't discipline. That was just doing something to get whatever that reward was that I wanted. And so now discipline is about yourself.
00:45:03:18 - 00:45:38:24
Unknown
And I love that you you talk about that and, and I didn't have boundaries, which again, the boundaries aren't for others. They're for me. Like, what is it that I'm willing to take out of this relationship or the situation I'm in and listening to yourself because our self will tell us that's not good for you or that's not working and honoring what is learning when you say ourself, what are you talking about?
00:45:38:26 - 00:46:09:06
Unknown
I'm talking about my spirit. I'm talking about the voice inside of me that is saying, you know, it could be a physical response. Sometimes for me, it may not be a knowing, but I'll say, Oh, I'm feeling my heart racing. I'm feeling kind of short of breath now. Now I take notice what's going on here? Why is little.
00:46:09:09 - 00:46:33:29
Unknown
That's your emotion. So that's the child. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So and we would say the child is this is your spirit too, because at our at our essence, when we came into this world, we're pure, we're whole, you know, we're not filled with false beliefs and, experiences and stories of, you know. So it's really one in the same, right.
00:46:33:29 - 00:47:00:16
Unknown
The soul who we really are. But we're in these physical forms and we have an emotional reaction to things. And our emotions are the inner child. So our body is, you know, very intelligent because it contains our heart right in the Heart Mass Institute. I've been a facilitator for quite a few years now, and they've done a lot of research about the heart.
00:47:00:18 - 00:47:24:23
Unknown
And so the heart picks up things way before the mind does. So that's why you feel it in your body. That's why somatic practices are important. That's why, you know, books that are getting really popular and the body keeps score. You know, cells have memory. You put a single cell on a petri dish near some bleach, say it's going to move as far away from the bleach as it can.
00:47:24:26 - 00:47:53:11
Unknown
So if we are not healing these traumas and they're still held in our body, cellular memory, they develop disease and that's what creates cancers and autoimmune disorders and all kinds of, you know, ailments is because there's an emotional component. And that emotional component has to be acknowledged and respected. You've got to go back and rescue yourself, possibly from experiences like I did.
00:47:53:13 - 00:48:13:03
Unknown
You know, I had an experience when I was living with my aunt, when I after my mom put a gun to my head and we were taken away from her and she's in a hospital. And one evening, you know, I was wearing the bed because of the complex post trauma that I had been through. I'm wetting the bed again.
00:48:13:06 - 00:48:38:04
Unknown
And, you know, it's just a reaction from the abuse. And as I'm seeing a figure and I thought it was like an angel came to visit me, paused for a minute, and it got frozen on your screen. Can you go back in? You were saying you were talking about how you had wet the bed, but then you were going in to something about what you use and I didn't.
00:48:38:04 - 00:49:03:09
Unknown
Yeah. So when I was living at my aunt's, I had began wetting the bed. And so one night, so I'm under all this trauma. One night my I see a woman standing at the door. And, you know, I remember thinking it's an angel or something. And I felt a lot of peace. Well, it wasn't until years later I was doing inner child work with John Bradshaw, and he took us through it.
00:49:03:09 - 00:49:24:25
Unknown
Hypnotherapy, where I went back to that experience, that was what came to mind. I forgotten about it. You know, I was already at this time 31 maybe, and I had forgotten about what had happened after the gun incident with my mother and all of that. And I remember it was me. It was the future. Jan I going to the past.
00:49:24:25 - 00:49:44:24
Unknown
Jan And now people might say, Oh, that sounds crazy. But, you know, again, we live in a very mysterious world. Maybe I did time travel, maybe my future self did come into that room to let me know everything was going to be okay maybe it was an angel, I don't know. But I know at 31 I was aware that I was able to do that.
00:49:44:24 - 00:50:07:23
Unknown
And so, you know, so much of what we're doing and what we're learning, if we can get out of the thinking mind and thinking that it has to look a certain way, right, then we can do deeper healing because now we're not bound by, Oh, that's not real. You know, I, I facilitate Breathwork people go through breathwork they have altered experience.
00:50:07:23 - 00:50:35:04
Unknown
It is like they're on a hallucinogenic, right? They see this, these loved ones, they see Jesus. They I mean, they have profound experiences just by really integrating the body and and all the calcium starts moving and the mind you get out of your head. And so this is important and healing. This is why my husband and I created and do these retreats is because it's psycho spirituality.
00:50:35:04 - 00:51:00:00
Unknown
It's psychology. The best of psychology combined with spirituality and a dose of science to validate a lot of what we're doing. So there's so much now you know, that we can do to heal, writing wise little one, my whole intent was to show people, Listen, if I went through what I went through and not only I heal, I used all of that.
00:51:00:00 - 00:51:48:29
Unknown
To use an overused metaphor, I made really sweet lemonade out of those lemons. Oh, well, that is the whole idea behind it. It's your story to tell is to just allow for people to find hope in other people's journey of what's possible. And so I am so thankful for you writing your book. It was so enjoyable to read and I highly recommend it, and we will definitely put in the show notes how to get to your website, Find your course, the information about what services and things you do with your retreats, and to be able to get the book.
00:51:49:01 - 00:52:15:24
Unknown
Once it is available, I will make sure that we promote that in July so that it is available on my website. Meghan So somebody preorder it right now and it could be autographed and sent to them. It'll go live July 12th on Amazon, but it is available on my website. If somebody wanted an autographed copy they could go to Janna Wilson dot com and order it.
00:52:15:24 - 00:52:37:07
Unknown
They're awesome. And then you do give her a treat is that correct? I do. I have I've been doing retreats since 2000 for kind of before retreats. You know, I was like, Oh, I want to go on a retreat. And there were really not any retreats back then. And I thought, I'm going to create a retreat business that I would want to go on.
00:52:37:09 - 00:53:01:02
Unknown
So I started in 2000 offers. Of course, it's grown and evolved, but it's emotional healing retreats. We've doing twice to a year since the pandemic. We'll get back to for a year, which will be every quarter We do East Coast, West Coast, and then usually to really destination spots like Hawaii or Costa Rica or, you know, Europe or somewhere.
00:53:01:05 - 00:53:31:24
Unknown
The retreats are an immersive experience. The group I also lead private, but I'm usually booked six months to a year out on private. And that's where people come here to Santa Fe and stay at our healing center and we work with them. A lot of people want that private experience. It's a very high end expense of retreat. So the group retreats are really accessible and we just created a new online course, which is the group retreat, but it's online.
00:53:31:26 - 00:53:55:02
Unknown
So you're getting the same content, the same everything. You have access to it for a lifetime. So we're excited about that too. That just launched. Oh, that's so exciting. You know, I love when there's different ways to engage with the material so that it's accessible to everyone because, you know, when I needed emotional healing, I had little one.
00:53:55:02 - 00:54:24:19
Unknown
So going on a retreat and things like that. But by being able to have something online that you could do at night when your kids are in bed is so amazing. Well, do you have any last words for our audience? I am really grateful for our time together. And even just reading your book and how it helped me to even think deeper about my own journey.
00:54:24:21 - 00:54:47:19
Unknown
Well, I mean, I think, you know, the most important the most important thing we can do is learn to spend quality time with ourselves. If we can't sit in stillness with our own presence and source our own presence, we're always going to look outside of ourselves and be unhappy. So, you know, to the listeners, I encourage, you know, I do teach meditation.
00:54:47:19 - 00:55:09:00
Unknown
So if somebody wanted to learn meditation, they could definitely book that with me. I'm very passionate. I was taught over a thousand students to meditate. I've been a teacher for 15 years with the Cho Center. I trained with Deepak Chopra and so you get a primordial sound mantra, and a lot of people, you know, operate from false narratives around meditation.
00:55:09:00 - 00:55:31:29
Unknown
I'm supposed to quiet my mind. Actually, that's not true. That's a myth. The whole point of the practice is to be aware when you're lost in thought. So it's a superpower, and you can begin to really monitor where your mind is, because our mind obviously is creating our reality and our emotions. So we want to be able to master it and control it and not let it control us.
00:55:32:02 - 00:56:02:09
Unknown
So yeah, meditation is so important and doing it first thing in the morning, thinking of it as spiritual hygiene, right. That you wouldn't think of leaving the house without getting dressed and brushing your hair and teeth. And I wouldn't think of leaving my home without sitting in stillness with myself, connecting with myself and connecting to spirit. It is clearing the perception when I go out into the world so I'm more present, more aware, I'm less distracted.
00:56:02:09 - 00:56:29:27
Unknown
I'm not multitasking. I have a lot more creativity and enthusiasm. So it is the number one thing. And if if someone listening is not meditating, no matter what you learn, how many tools you have in your spiritual toolbox, you won't use them adequately and effectively because you won't be aware. You won't even know when. Exactly, Exactly. Oh, good.
00:56:29:27 - 00:57:02:09
Unknown
Yeah. The self-awareness that I began to develop when I started integrating meditation and I think, you know, there's a lot of these things that we're talking about that, you know, for me and the way I grew up and my religious upbringing, that made me think that they were good and, you know, so then it put this in this place where I had to work through that false belief and I had to find out, is that true?
00:57:02:12 - 00:57:35:21
Unknown
You know? And what do you say about this stuff? You know, everything where we're talking about comes to me like a little child. Well, let's talk about your child, right? Yes. So self of all of it, Jesus time at all. You know, I don't know how it got so misconstrued, but it's all there. And I. I know. And in those things that have gotten misconstrued are the things that then block us from becoming all we were created to be.
00:57:35:23 - 00:58:07:25
Unknown
So not engaging in those things is actually giving power to the darkness, in my opinion, because you are blocking yourself from all of this light and who Jesus wants us to become. So I'm so grateful that you have shared such knowledge with us and so practical by, you know, sharing your story and walking us through it. And then all that you've learned, just downloading it to us in this hour.
00:58:08:02 - 00:58:31:15
Unknown
I'm amazed at how much we were able to cover, and I will definitely look forward to getting more information out about your book and your your resources that people can find, because these are amazing skills and you have a really great background. I know I've learned a lot from you and could benefit from continuing to learn from you.
00:58:31:15 - 00:58:59:22
Unknown
So I'll be checking out your stuff too. So thank you so much for your time. Bless you and have a wonderful rest of your week. Thank you, Megan. Thanks, Jana. New podcast Every Friday, listen and subscribe wherever you like to listen to podcasts. If you're ready to start your own transformation journey, visit w WW dot IPS Your story to tell Tor.com.
00:58:59:24 - 00:59:28:18
Unknown
This podcast is intended only for educational inspirational and entertainment purposes. The purpose of this podcast is not to replace the counsel of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist or other qualified professional. If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available, call or text 988 or chat nine eight. Eight. Lifeline dot org.
